this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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