I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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