doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
