how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
