My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
