So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I need moral support for this bender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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