its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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