Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
