I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
