it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
