her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
