I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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