I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
