I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
