She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
