There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
