why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
