wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
