Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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