Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
