You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
