peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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