Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
