Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
