Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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