I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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