Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
