i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
