Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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