I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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