I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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