I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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