She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
