So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
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you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
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I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I have already put on my inside pants.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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