Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
NoShamevember. You game?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
