One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
