Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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