it's like heaven, but drunker
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
