I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Boobs are out for the taking
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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