fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
