I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
