those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
