Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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