im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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