Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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