Kiss
Puke
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize