I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
