just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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