And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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