I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
