I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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