I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
