I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
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