he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
