i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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