My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she told me i tasted like america
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
