Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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