"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
