That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
