I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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