so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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