I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
