so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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