I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Randomize
