Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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