I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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