Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
