fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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