some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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