Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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