Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
