Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
