as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I want her autograph on my taint
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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