nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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