I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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