The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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