I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
