1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize