Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
