How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
