At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
then he tried to convert me to islam
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I am available for nakedness
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
